Moron Edits: #2

3-1-09
Editing Day 3:

Email from MS (titles and names changed to protect the innocent):
We have a few concerns about the name of the book. I personally didn't know what a XXXXX was and had to look it up. There are a lot of kids who won't know either. Would you be willing to change it to something else like,
Jimmy Little in Search of the Iron XXXXX? Or anything else you might think of.

I sent some suggestions. I wasn’t set on The Iron XXXXX. I like the title, but could live with something else. I really don’t like “Jimmy Little and…” I’d prefer not to have his name in the title. However, maybe having Jimmy’s name as a title creates brand loyalty, in which case I certainly defer to more experienced marketing minds.

My suggestions for other names, however, generated this response:
Mara likes The Legend of the Two. I'm not real crazy about any of them. Which do you like?

I sent some other suggestions. I asked if having an iconic cover, with a big picture of a XXXXX on the front wouldn’t help clear up the ‘what is a XXXXX’ issue. No word back yet--it’s Sunday after all.

I imagine the press release will be held up by the change in title, so it may be a while yet before I can tell anyone. I must be patient, Grasshopper.

BTW--I went through the first chapter and changed most of the ‘was, were & had’s to action verbs. Also--deleted most of the adverbs. I have to say--I don’t miss the passive verbs, and my concern that I’d end up with awkward sentence structures in order to get rid of them…mostly not an issue.

I said ok.
I tried it.
I agree it’s better. Yay me!

LATER:
MS likes the little blurb of history I sent her about the XXXXX:
In the Middle Ages, they tested witches by poking them with a XXXXX to see if they bled. If they bled, they were innocent. If they didn't, they were witches. A guy named Matthew Hopkins, called the "witch-finder general" supposedly had one with a retractable blade...which meant no one bled, and all were declared witches.

She & MCF want a paragraph like this (more age appropriate) to be included in the book. Also, MS likes the title: Jimmy Little and His Invisible Sister.
hmm…
Say ok.
Try it.

(More from this day's edits later. The post was too long.)